Trump, here’s what really goes on in the locker rooms

Donald Trump was quick to dismiss his grotty comments from 2005 as “locker room banter.” Many people beg to differ.

“Locker room banter.”

In Australia we call them change rooms. I’ve been in plenty throughout my time, most of them made of asbestos and reeking of a combination of sweat and urine. Pretty standard. 

I can’t say there’s a lot that I haven’t seen or heard in a change room. I’ve seen my fair share of naked men and their appendages. I’ve walked in to the change rooms to discover curry turds coiling up the toilet bowl. I’ve seen grown men on the verge of tears after getting the spray of a lifetime from a teammate. And I’ve heard some of the most engrossing Tinder stories you’ll ever imagine, with images that still haunt me at night. 

It’s safe to say that I know “locker room banter” when I hear it. 

In an off-camera conversation between Donald Trump and Access Hollywood host Billy Bush in 2005, Trump said that he “tried to fuck” a married woman and “moved on her like a bitch”, and how he used his celebrity status to grab women by their junk.

After the tape was leaked a few days ago, Trump was quick to issue a statement categorising his comments as typical male conversations.

I was in Queensland a couple of years ago with some friends where we had a week long bender. As you can imagine, between 5 young lads, a beach side apartment and some amazing weather, there was no shortage of drinking involved. As we were shooting the shit, there was no shortage of locker room banter.

We talked about sports, work, politics, foods that make us fart and dick jokes. Standard.

And of course we talked about women. 

We traded funny stories about girls, triumphs and failures, awkward dates, and images that unfortunately cannot ever be erased from our memories. It’s safe to say I don’t put maple syrup on my pancakes anymore. 

You know what we didn’t talk about though? Touching women without their consent. Or committing anything along those lines. We’re ‘fairly’ decent guys who can appreciate girls without “moving on them like a bitch.”

Trump tried to justify his talk by suggesting that all men talk along the lines of that in the sanctuary of the locker rooms. We talk about all sorts of shit, to which I’m sure our partners, girlfriends, wives and especially mothers would be disgusted at. Undoubtedly so. Boys will be boys.

But whilst we can brag about having a penis so long that we have to tuck it into our socks, we don’t talk about groping women without consent like it’s something that should be celebrated, or even accepted. It’s not. 

Trump, mate, if you’re reading this, we don’t do shit like grope women without their consent, number one. And number two, whilst one of my mates thinks he’s the biggest thing since sliced bread, and has an ego the size of your inflated head, it doesn’t give him the power to treat women as amusement parks, or even pretend he did.

If you want to use your celebrity status to do something worthwhile, how about teaming up with Shane Warne and endorse Advanced Hair Studio, and grow a proper mop for your head. Or even come and sit in a real locker room and we’ll just see how long your ego lasts. Wanker.


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